A Mexican restaurant during rush hour. Nearly every table is filled with patrons. SAMANTHA and JENNIFER, two college friends enter and are seated nearly immediately to look at menus.
SAMANTHA: *ugh* Why did we come here anyways? I can’t eat anything on the menu!
JENNIFER: What do you mean? I didn’t know you were on a diet? And you love Mexican food!
SAMANTHA: Yea, I do… except that everything is so… well… (Whispers) gassy.
JENNIFER: So? Big deal! Just go to the restroom when you’re done.
SAMANTHA: No, you just don’t get it. I mean, seriously, bodily sounds are so… disgusting! (Shudders)
JENNIFER: (laughs) you’re kidding, right?
SAMANTHA: (rolls eyes)
JENNIFER: Oh, God, you are serious. Girl, you do know these bodily functions are a natural part of life and you aren’t healthy if you don’t let yourself, you know, release them. (SAMANTHA grumbles under her breath) Oh, don’t give me that. If you really want me to use such terms, uhhh… flatulence and … eructation is not solely reserved for the male persuasion.
SAMANTHA: Oh no! It doesn’t matter. Even when guys do it, it’s still just so gross!
JENNIFER: Sam, what are you gonna do when you get married? I know guys are careful around you now when you go on dates and hang out, but be honest with yourself, he won’t be able to hold it in forever when you live together. And when you have kids! Oh, Heaven help you. How are you honestly going to stop a baby from burping or a 5-year-old from farting?
WILL, a waiter stops at their table with a pad of paper and pen in hand.
WILL: Hello, my name is Will, I’ll be your server today. Can I get you two something to drink?
JENNIFER: Ummm… yea, I’ll have lemonade, please.
SAMANTHA: (under her breath) ok. Nothing with bubbles… (sighs, then speaks audibly) How about just a water?
WILL: Alright. I’ll be right back with that.
WILL exits
JENNIFER: No bubbles?
SAMANTHA: What?
JENNIFER: Sam, I’m really hoping this is just a phase that you will pass through really quickly.
WILL returns with the girls’ drinks
WILL: So are you two ready to order yet?
JENNIFER: Yea. I’m starving! I’ll have your chimichanga, but just that, no rice or beans please. Your burritos are huge! And then maybe I’ll have room for a dessert later. (smiles)
SAMANTHA: (sighs) I guess I’ll just have a garden salad. Do you have Italian dressing?
WILL: (laughs) ummm… no offense but, does this look like an Italian restaurant to you?
SAMANTHA: No, you’re right, it doesn’t. Ranch it is then.
WILL: Thank you. I’ll be back with your order as soon as I can.
WILL leaves.
JENNIFER: Thank you for ordering something, or else I would’ve strapped you down and fed you with a funnel, fibrous or no.
SAMANTHA: ummm… thanks?
Fade out
SAMANTHA: *ugh* Why did we come here anyways? I can’t eat anything on the menu!
JENNIFER: What do you mean? I didn’t know you were on a diet? And you love Mexican food!
SAMANTHA: Yea, I do… except that everything is so… well… (Whispers) gassy.
JENNIFER: So? Big deal! Just go to the restroom when you’re done.
SAMANTHA: No, you just don’t get it. I mean, seriously, bodily sounds are so… disgusting! (Shudders)
JENNIFER: (laughs) you’re kidding, right?
SAMANTHA: (rolls eyes)
JENNIFER: Oh, God, you are serious. Girl, you do know these bodily functions are a natural part of life and you aren’t healthy if you don’t let yourself, you know, release them. (SAMANTHA grumbles under her breath) Oh, don’t give me that. If you really want me to use such terms, uhhh… flatulence and … eructation is not solely reserved for the male persuasion.
SAMANTHA: Oh no! It doesn’t matter. Even when guys do it, it’s still just so gross!
JENNIFER: Sam, what are you gonna do when you get married? I know guys are careful around you now when you go on dates and hang out, but be honest with yourself, he won’t be able to hold it in forever when you live together. And when you have kids! Oh, Heaven help you. How are you honestly going to stop a baby from burping or a 5-year-old from farting?
WILL, a waiter stops at their table with a pad of paper and pen in hand.
WILL: Hello, my name is Will, I’ll be your server today. Can I get you two something to drink?
JENNIFER: Ummm… yea, I’ll have lemonade, please.
SAMANTHA: (under her breath) ok. Nothing with bubbles… (sighs, then speaks audibly) How about just a water?
WILL: Alright. I’ll be right back with that.
WILL exits
JENNIFER: No bubbles?
SAMANTHA: What?
JENNIFER: Sam, I’m really hoping this is just a phase that you will pass through really quickly.
WILL returns with the girls’ drinks
WILL: So are you two ready to order yet?
JENNIFER: Yea. I’m starving! I’ll have your chimichanga, but just that, no rice or beans please. Your burritos are huge! And then maybe I’ll have room for a dessert later. (smiles)
SAMANTHA: (sighs) I guess I’ll just have a garden salad. Do you have Italian dressing?
WILL: (laughs) ummm… no offense but, does this look like an Italian restaurant to you?
SAMANTHA: No, you’re right, it doesn’t. Ranch it is then.
WILL: Thank you. I’ll be back with your order as soon as I can.
WILL leaves.
JENNIFER: Thank you for ordering something, or else I would’ve strapped you down and fed you with a funnel, fibrous or no.
SAMANTHA: ummm… thanks?
Fade out
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